OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just puked most of my soul out..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
