i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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