There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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