your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
is it fun? or sober?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
