Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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