We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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