i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
