those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
