yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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