He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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