I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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