Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
