Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
