Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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