just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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