Swine flu. Run for my life!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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