Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
