thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize