I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
