In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
