..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
