next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
