Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
