i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize