btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
COCAINE IS GR8
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
