dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
