For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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