i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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