i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
