You're my little dorito
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
