did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize