Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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