Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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