He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
