I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
