I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize