why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
