Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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