You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
