You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
