walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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