This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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