i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
