help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
