the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
