I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
