We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The Olympian is in my bed
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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