I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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