i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
