i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
