you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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