Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Boobs speak an international language.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
