Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
