I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
