You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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