So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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