After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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