so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
