Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
