I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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