i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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