He disabled his match.com account in front of me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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