Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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