and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
