I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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