He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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