Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
