Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
