no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
