I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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