ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
