normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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