meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
