The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
