i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
