So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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