The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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