How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
