Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
