Umm I'm too high to move.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
