i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
