I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
