I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
