the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
