Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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