I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
