Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
